3 Months Walker & 22 Months John Tanner

Happy Happy Happy 3 months WALKER.... I feel like we have arrived!!! I'm going to be honest... 2 months was the hardest month so far. I'm not sure what happened between 12:00 (noon) and 3:00pm, but it seemed like sweet baby Walker was in pain and nothing would soothe him. However, after 3-4 long weeks we are on day 4 of NO crying and napping during this time....he seems content ~YAY~!!!

~Many GREAT things to remember about this month~ We celebrated your first Easter. We spent the night in Montgomery at Mama Helen and Pops house for the first time and went to church. We met another Walker in the "quiet" area. You rode the boat for the first time.

You love to hear your brother and I read books and sing... we SING ALL THE TIME...you will smile and smile. I love seeing your smiling face in the morning time too. You are holding your head up and grabbing things. You saw me in the mirror the other night after bath and just smiled and laughed at me....it's those "karios moments" that I cherish. You will look around when your Daddy or I say your name...I know you recognize our voices now!

We started Mommy and me yoga and it was so much fun for both of us. I let "brother" go to the nursery (we called it "school"). I'll admit I was so very nervous because he hasn't been to a nursery since Walker was born. John Tanner looked so big with his backpack on(called "Homeslice"..thanks Ang)and when I picked him up they said, he did GREAT!! I asked if he liked "school" and he said...uh huh...with a smile! I had visions of walking him to kindergarten one day:)!! ~~~John Tanner 22 months~~~ First Fishing trip with Daddy, Pops, and Mama Helen

He caught two fish, LOVED carrying the bucket of crickets, and of course following Pops around!

Loves his bubble machine and showing it off to his friend Ella. We went to the funky fish fry in Crestline Village.

Unless it's raining.. we are outside strolling, at the playground, kicking or throwing the ball, pulling you in the wagon, or you are pushing your stroller or lawn mower around the neighborhood. Busy, busy boy and I love it because Walker is happy outside too....both of you want to be moving all the time!! He mimics everything we do...If he's outside with Tanner and he's pulling grass, John Tanner is pulling the grass. If I'm watering the plants, he's watering the plants. If I'm yawning, he's yawning... never noticed how many times I yawn some days:)! A friend sent me this article and it REALLY helped me but this "mommy thing" in perspective.... This past month has challenged me in so many ways and I want to remember the karios moments in my busy days, therefore, I want to always have this article to refer back too... Here's the article in pieces ~~~Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen: An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast." Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc. I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out." Here's what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

(John Tanner says his new favorite word "uh oh"..and let me add, Ida, sticks,eat, Baba (Bentley), Mmmm (Emily)

(Or does the silly, stick out your tongue.."uh oh"...karios)

(Hilarious...when he puts the breast pad on Walker's head while I'm feeding him and we all laugh..karios) Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos. Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

(John Tanner hasn't eaten anything GREEN in months and months and now loves Edamame....karios) These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it. If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success. Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day. Good enough for me. (AMEN... me too!!) This about sums up the month.....and it's been a growing time for me!! We are leaving for the beach on Thursday for a much needed family trip with Daddy!!!